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JOKE 7
: YOUR DAILY MOMENT OF ZEN
1. Do
not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either;
just leave me the hell alone.
2. The
journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.
3. It's
always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't
be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No
one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always
remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
7. Never
test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It
may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.
9. It
is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
10. If
you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments or mortgage payments.
11. Before
you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.
12. If
at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give
a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If
you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
15. Don't
squat with your spurs on.
16. If
you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
17. If
you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
18. Some
days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
19. Don't
worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
20. Good
judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.
21. The
quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
22. Timing
has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
23. A
closed mouth gathers no foot.
24. Duct
tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
25. There
are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
26. Generally
speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
27. Experience
is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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